What to Get the Sheriff Who Doesn't Want Anything
by Serena Thorn
Summary: It's Lamb's 30th and Veronica cares.


Title: What to Get the Sheriff Who Doesn't Want Anything  
Rating: Hard R/Soft NC-17 (birthday smut and language)  
Summary: It's Lamb's 30th and Veronica cares.  
Spoilers: 3x14  
Word Count: 5384  
Disclaimer: Veronica Mars is not owned by me. but by Rob Thomas. I'm simply borrowing these characters for non-profit entertainment.  
A/N: Set after an AU S3 in which you-know-what never happened to you-know-who. And for some reason this felt fitting to post today.

* * *

Birthdays had always been a big deal to Veronica. For as long as she could remember her parents had gone all out, as much as they could, for birthdays. Family breakfasts or dinners and presents and cake just wasn't enough. For them the days would become whole events. Amusement parks, the boardwalk, even the occasional skydive.

That was what she blamed for her standing here now.

_Cards, Veronica? Really? For one thing you hate him. For another you're looking for something for his 30th birthday and you're looking at cards?_ She sighed. This would be harder than she thought. For starters it wasn't as though things had much changed for her and Lamb since his release from the hospital. He was still the same snarky jackass, but at the same time, even if she would never admit it to his face, she had been glad he lived. And she didn't _hate_ him so much as she found herself often irritated by his mere presence.

_And even that wasn't enough to keep you from visiting him,_ that annoying voice in the back of her mind fired. Some days she really wished she could shut that thing up. If there was one person she didn't need spewing the vile truth at her at a time like this, it was the voice in her head.

_What does one get for the nemesis who claims he has it all? _she wondered as she wandered through the mall. Cake? No. He'd never eat anything she gave him. She almost laughed at the thought of Madison giving him A Trip to the Dentist after having told her she was nothing more than a drunken one night stand.

For the first time she cringed as she passed the sporting goods store. No way. Not even she was ready to think about baseball yet. Not given that it was thanks to a baseball bat she was even here. If he hadn't been almost killed that day she wouldn't have been forced to realize she cared if he lived or died. For that she was thankful his attacker was dead. If he wasn't already this would have been enough to get her to do the job.

Veronica didn't want to admit it, but she did still have some memories from when they had been friends all those years ago. She knew some things he would like, but then she would run the risk of him knowing that she cared.

With that she had an idea.

Lamb had made it well known during his years as sheriff that even his birthday was to be treated as just another day. Especially when this year he was having to work on his thirtieth. He just wanted to get through the day and drown the rest of his night in as much alcohol as he could stomach and then some.

Of course his hope that this would continue to be treated as just another day died when what seemed to be a card fell out from between a stack of case folders.

_"What to get for the sheriff who claims he doesn't want anything on his big day?"_ he read. Already part of him wanted to trash the thing. Why did he want yet another reminder that he was thirty, alone and hated by at least half of the town he was responsible for protecting? But his curiosity was getting the better of him. If he stopped reading now and it ended up being a decorated bomb threat or ransom note he knew he would be blamed.

_"That's what I kept asking myself until it hit me. So consider this your first surprise. There will be more when you get home, but don't bother checking now. They won't be there until you're off duty. Until then, Happy Birthday, Sheriff."_

The last thing he noticed was that it wasn't signed. His only clues were that it was from someone who knew it was his birthday, promised him some surprises and had said that at least one would be at his apartment. Briefly, he considered getting a room at the Camelot for the night.

Instead it was after eight when he finally got home. He hadn't walked in to find balloons or streamers or even a Happy Birthday banner, much less people ambushing him for a surprise party so he actually felt some relief as he headed into his kitchen. Maybe the mystery person had just been trying to mess with him.

Reaching into the fridge for a beer he saw for himself the card hadn't been a trick. There was a cake, looking somewhere between store bought and homemade. He really couldn't tell which. Though the fact it was leaning a little to the left made him wonder if the baker hadn't been a little inebriated while they were making it. But the "Happy 30th Don" written in icing made him smile. The fact he had an extra six-pack in his fridge with a blue bow on it almost made him laugh. He couldn't understand why in the world she would have gone through all of this for him, but he couldn't deny that he liked it.

Of course he knew it was her now. There was only one person he knew who could so effortlessly sneak into and out of a sheriff's apartment. Not to mention that he remembered having spent a birthday or two with her those few years back. He remembered now how important birthdays were to her even when they weren't hers.

He was still nursing his beer when another thought occurred to him. He might not be alone here after all. It was quiet, but then he knew her well enough to not take that for granted.

Figuring he might as well bite the bullet, he headed into his bedroom. Flicking on the light he saw no one was in his bed. Nothing even seemed to be out of place. Why he was disappointed he couldn't say. Except there was something on his dresser that he didn't remember having been there this morning. Another card, standing partially open.

Picking it up, he read, _By now you've found most of your surprises, but there's still one more. I sure hope you haven't eaten too much cake 'cause you'll need your energy for this one. You'll find me at the east end of the park, near the lake. Oh, and wear something you don't mind getting wet. Hope to see you soon, Sheriff._

Energy? He smirked at the ideas filling his head. This could definitely be interesting. Worst case scenario, he would have to work on his night off. Best case scenario, he would have a half naked Veronica Mars with him in the lake. Either way he couldn't complain.

Twenty minutes later he was in jeans and a black t-shirt and walking towards the east end of the park. He had no idea what she had in mind for tonight but so far it beat sitting at home, alone, watching what ever game he happened to find on TV while he drank until he forgot what tonight was.

"Surprised?" Veronica smiled when she saw him.

"I should be. But you gave yourself away."

"How?" She couldn't have! She was Veronica Mars! She was sneakier than anyone she knew, aside from maybe her father.

He stepped closer to her, stopping only when he was inches from her. "There's only one person who would risk a breaking and entering charge to bring me cake and beer for my birthday."

He was smirking then. He had her. And he knew that she knew it. Fine. She could take it.

"You forgot the second card," she sighed in her defeat.

"Right. A card, a cake and the beer. Which reminds me, you won't be twenty-one for another -"

"So! Speaking of cake, I hope you didn't fill up on too much, I wouldn't want you to get sick."

"Are we going swimming?"

"If we were we'd be at the beach, not here." It was certainly hot enough, Veronica knew, but no. She had something better in mind. "Check it out," she said as she pointed to something across from them.

There was a nicely slanted, grassy hill which had a wide and long saran-wrap-looking sheet rolled out and running down the length of the hill. Confused, Don looked back to her.

Veronica smiled and held up what looked to be a small remote. "I may have told the manager that it's the sheriff's birthday."

Of course. "Get on with your show then before I start thinking you're my surprise," he finally said, hoping that hadn't come out as eager as he was.

Veronica smirked. "Maybe I am." She lifted her shirt off, revealing a blue bikini top beneath. "Or maybe there's more to it." Once her top was tossed to the grass she moved to her denim cut-offs and let them land beside her shirt. Now standing before Don Lamb in a bright blue bikini, intentionally the same shade as the bow that had been on the six-pack in his fridge, the icing on his cake and even the ink she had penned those cards in, she pressed a button on the remote and on came the sprinklers.

Lamb couldn't even feel surprised when he felt the cool water hit his skin. Relieved given the heat of the night, but he wasn't surprised. She had brought him out here for a reason and so far he was liking it.

"Who needs the lake when we've got our own grown up Slip 'n' Slide?" she asked before running towards the hill.

He watched her run off and then quickly shucked off his shoes, socks and shirt and followed her.

"You wanna go first, Birthday Boy?"

"What's the catch, Mars? Is your taser waiting for me at the bottom of the hill?"

"Lamb, I'm in a bikini. I'm allowing you to continue to draw breath after seeing me in said bikini. If anyone should be getting electro-shock treatment right now I think it's me. Come on, it's your birthday, have some fun for once. After all: All work and no play makes the sheriff a - "

"Admitting I'm a good lay? Wow. And you haven't even slept with me. I must be good."

She glared daggers and was quick to wonder again why she had agreed to this. She also soon realized he must have considered her face to be priceless because he just about doubled over in his laughter when anyone with half a brain would have been cowering from that expression.

"Okay, okay, I'm not a dull boy. There, I now return you to your regularly scheduled G-rated fun," he told her after taking a moment to collect himself.

Veronica only shook her head as she lowered her gaze to the glistening grass. "Lamb, enjoy your birthday present while I'm still willing to let you have it." With that she looked back to him and gently shoved him towards the makeshift adult Slip 'n' Slide.

Lamb stumbled for show. He was already looking at what he wanted for his birthday. A wet, scantily-clad, slightly annoyed Veronica Mars who had gone all out for him today when he couldn't think of a single reason he deserved it.

"If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me," he told her just before he snaked his arms around her tiny waist and followed through on his threat.

Veronica only had time to cry out before they were both sliding down the slippery plastic.

"Not fair!" she cried as she jumped up when they reached the bottom. "I wasn't ready!"

"I thought you wanted me to enjoy my birthday," he laughed. Okay, a sputtering, half-enraged, scantily-clad and dripping wet Veronica Mars was definitely better than any previous incarnation. This was already his best birthday ever.

"Not that much," she grumbled.

No time like the present to kick it up a notch or two, he decided. "Want to get me back, Veronica? Come and get me," he winked before racing back up the hill to the top of the slide. He knew she couldn't resist and in seconds she was proving him right as she chased him.

"Wait a minute! I'm the girl! You're supposed to be chasing me," she all but pouted at the realization he had tricked her.

"You've been chasing me for five years, Veronica. Why should tonight be any different?" he asked with a challenge in his voice and a smirk upon his lips.

Bastard just had to be half-right.

"On a scale of one to ten, and feel free to go beyond that, how would you rate this birthday?" Veronica asked as Lamb walked her into his apartment almost an hour later.

"Seven."

She scoffed at how sure he sounded. No way was this anything under a 9.5.

"You still have your clothes on," he smirked.

"And I intend for them to stay on. Tonight was about giving you a good birthday, not you getting me into your bed."

"Is that the best you can think of? My bed? I've got a couch, kitchen counters, walls, a shower, even a floor."

"This isn't what I came back here with you for."

He stepped close enough to invade her personal space again. "No? Then what did you come back here for? Cake?"

"You do still have yet to blow out your birthday candles," she pointed out, refusing to let her uneasiness show. They were both still damp but they were far from cold, it was far too hot for that. Or maybe it was her… Damn it, she didn't want to think of that. Better to think he had the heat on. On a sweltering night in June… Yeah. Oh well, at least he didn't know she had baked for him.

It was right there, such an easy lead in, to ask her what she would blow in return. Somehow Don resisted and moved to the kitchen. "Alright, we'll play your way. I take it you included candles somewhere around here?"

"In the cake already," she answered as she followed him and reached into his silverware drawer for the matchbook. Funny how she hadn't forgotten where he kept what even after all these years. "Turn out the lights and I'll light 'em."

"There'd better not be thirty candles on that thing."

"You can only be twenty-nine so many years in a row, Deputy," she smirked.

He scoffed. He liked his way better.

"Besides it's not like you're thirty and alone," she added when he flicked the lights off.

For a moment he watched her silhouette against the lit match and growing number of lit candles. She was right. He was thirty, yes. Alone, no. She was really there. And he was further realizing how glad he was that it was her he was spending tonight with.

Veronica jumped when she felt him behind her, his moving a little more possessively than she deemed necessary to her hips. Since when could he manage to walk so quietly across a room?

"I've gotta admit, Mars, you've kind of put me in a bind here."

"Oh?" she asked, trying not to sound too hopeful. But if she was somehow ruining a date he had planned (or rather bought and paid for) tonight, well, she refused to even admit to herself why that gave her an internal thrill.

"I'm supposed to make a wish, right? Kind of hard to do that when I've already got what I want. Literally in my hands, no less."

Veronica fought to not make a sound when his lips met the crook of her neck. "Lamb, if I were you I'd blow out the candles now before they become a fire hazard. I refuse to be blamed for burning down the Sheriff of Neptune's apartment. Especially when I'm doing you a good deed here."

He sighed and took his mouth back. That was about all that could get him to. From over her he looked to the cake, the bright dancing orange light, the sentiment written in icing and without another word or thought did as he was told. He didn't need to make a wish, he hadn't been kidding when he said he had what he wanted in his hands. Alright, maybe save for a cherry red Corvette, but he doubted blowing out some candles would grant him that one.

"You forgot your wish."

"I told you I've already got it," he replied before kissing the spot where her neck and shoulder met.

"You really think I'm one of your presents, don't you?" Why was she even asking? In retrospect she knew she shouldn't have made that joke back at the lake.

"Mm-hmm. Your own fault for making yourself so easy to unwrap tonight," he shot back as he raised a hand to undo the tie at her neck of her halter bikini top from under her shirt.

"This is so not what I had in mind." Despite her statement her body was clearly of a different thought process as her hand came up and her fingers twined through the short, still damp strands just above his neck.

"Then tell me to stop," he stated even as he brought his hands back down her sides and held her body closer to his.

Veronica managed to regain some control of herself enough to turn in his hold to face him. It was dark in his kitchen, but enough light was pooling through the window for her to see his face. For her to see that he knew she wouldn't turn him down tonight. She wanted to just for that reason alone, to prove to him that he couldn't always be so sure with her. But then she had done all of this for him tonight, it was his birthday and it wasn't like there was anywhere else she could think of that she wanted to be than right there with him, in his arms, in his hands, against him, kissing him, claiming him.

Within seconds she was doing just that. Standing on her tip toes with her arms laced around his neck, her lips against his and her soft curves pressing further into his firm frame she almost began to wonder just whose birthday it really was.

"So about those counters?" he smirked when his need for oxygen began to consume him. He always knew the girl could kiss, he was just impressed she was able to keep up with him.

"I refuse to bang my head on the cabinets," she all but panted in reply.

Filling his hands with her cute little ass, he told her, "Up then."

Veronica didn't have to be told twice. With a smile she tightened her grip around him and locked her legs around his waist.

Never breaking their second impassioned kiss, Lamb managed to carry her to his bedroom with minimal stumbling against the wall. Still, at least dropping her hadn't been a worry since she hardly seemed to weigh much like this.

"Admit it, Mars, when you woke up this morning this was exactly how you saw your night ending," Don told her when he sat her down on the side of his bed.

"Nope. Not at all. I expected to be less clothed by now," she nodded.

"Thought you said this wasn't what you came here for," he smirked.

"Didn't say I didn't expect it," she smirked back as she crooked her finger and motioned for him to come closer to her again.

He almost laughed as he bent to kiss her again.

"If you want to get into my pants, you're going to have to be the one to take them off," she murmured against his lips.

"It's my birthday. I shouldn't have to do the work."

With that Veronica pulled back from him and stood. "Well, fine, if you don't want to play my way -" Already her hands were moving to retie her top.

"Mars." In a second he was behind her, his hands curling around to her stomach, sliding down to her jeans.

"Not so against unwrapping your impromptu present now, are you?" she grinned as she took her arms down and canted against his chest, letting her ass grind back into him just enough to tease.

"Nope," he smirked as he pressed back and unfastened the snap of her jeans and lowered her zipper. Her shirt was gone a moment after she had hopped out of her denim confines but she stopped him before he could take her bikini top next.

"You're too overdressed to keep unwrapping your present."

"How many rules do you have?" he laughed in his disbelief.

"You'll find out. In the meantime," she grinned as she reached for his shirt to lift it off of him.

"I see, you want into my pants," he grinned in reply as she unfastened his belt and moved to the snap.

"Just doing my part to ensure that you have a happy birthday," she stated as she pushed his jeans down from his hips.

"You're definitely getting there," he told her as he lowered his pants the rest of the way and kicked them off. Standing in just his boxer-briefs, he let his gaze fall over her still bikini-clad form. "What was that about being too dressed to keep unwrapping my present?" he smirked as he reached for the other cord of her bikini top.

"One pull away from a half naked Mars, you sure you're up for it?" she smirked back, for once not even considering swatting his hands away.

That time he laughed as her top fell to the floor.

"Forget I asked," she nodded, her own slightly embarrassed grin spreading over her face.

"So exactly how much more work do I have to do for my birthday?"

"Now you just get to lay back and enjoy," she smiled.

Lamb didn't have to be told twice. He sat down on the side of his bed, laid down and finally sighed out his approval as he watched Veronica all too slowly shimmy out of her bikini bottoms and toss them wherever they landed.

The smile never leaving her face, Veronica moved to the foot of his bed and crawled up the length of his body before kissing him again. As much as she knew she should be inwardly screaming at herself to get out of there and as far from him as possible, it was hard for her to do anything but ignore that voice when his tongue took to plundering her mouth once more. This hadn't been her original plan, but when faced with the prospect of being anywhere else, suddenly lying naked atop her favorite nemesis while kissing him for all she was worth wasn't such a bad deal.

"You're still overdressed," she panted when her wandering hand had reached the waistband of his shorts.

He smirked as he looked up at her, her face hovering easily no more than an inch from his. "Just a tug away from a fully naked Sheriff Lamb. Sure you're up for it?"

With a little help from him those boxers were gone faster than he had anticipated. Apparently Veronica had been more eager to give him his ultimate birthday present then she had let on.

"I think I have a better idea than birthday spankings," she said as she kissed a trail down his body, stopping only long enough to swirl the tip of her tongue swirl over one of his nipples.

"Yeah?" he asked, the question coming out more as a groan when her lips reached just below his navel.

"How many licks does it take to get the all mighty Sheriff of Neptune off?" she asked, far more innocently than any woman should with her mouth that close to his dick, he decided. "One?" she went on before licking the underside of his cock from root to tip. "Two?" she asked before repeating the maneuver.

She got as far as twelve before he moaned out her name, pleading for her to take him into her mouth. Veronica obliged, even forgetting a comment about him being perpetually twelve in some aspects. Maybe it was the fact that as far as this one went he was most definitely a grown man and she was enjoying not only her torment of him, but the idea of him having to admit the pleasure he was deriving from her so-called smart mouth.

Lamb couldn't deny he had imagined that perfectly pink mouth around him several times since he had met her, even more so after she had declared war on him and several, several more since the first time he had brought her into the station after her eighteenth birthday.

But none of his dreams nor his more detailed masturbatory fantasies had prepared him for the real thing. Not when that all too familiar mischievous and satisfied glint showed in her blue eyes and not when he could see her smile tugging at the corners of her mouth Hell, he couldn't have even imagined she would be the type to look up at him while doing this, but she had proven him wrong. And this time he couldn't claim to mind. At least not until he realized just talented that warm, deliciously wet mouth of hers truly was.

"Changing your mind so soon?" she asked, sitting up on her knees when he lowered his hips out from under her.

He shook his head even as he looked her over again. Her mussed hair, her swollen lips, the slight heaving of her chest, her gorgeous tits. She was perfect and soon, he knew, she would be his. "Anyone ever tell you that you're a little too good at that?"

"I don't think you want me to answer that."

She was right. "Let me put that another way. As good as you are at that -"

"Does the cowboy want to be ridden?" she smirked as she moved atop him again, getting the idea that the only reason he would turn down a blowjob from her was to finish this right. For once she could admit to liking the way he was thinking.

"As long as you're the one ridin' me," he smirked back as he watched her shimmy up over his legs.

"I can live with that," she grinned before dipping her head to kiss him again.

Tasting himself on her tongue, he only kissed her harder. This was real, she was really there and she still wanted him. His head was swimming at the realization but he wasn't about to let it distract from the task literally at hand. When she moved to straddle his hips, he could already feel how wet she was for him. How wet she had gotten just undressing him, kissing him, sucking his cock - it only spurred him on and had his hands to her hips in seconds.

"Ready when you are, Sheriff." She wanted to smirk, to smile, but she was too lost in his expression. That lust, need and what she hoped was awe. She had to admit, even the day before she might have wondered if she would really go through with this but here and now she knew there was no other way she wanted to spend tonight.

"Best. Present. Ever," he sighed out as she lowered herself onto him.

"Fuck yes," she moaned in agreement.

Lamb let her set the pace, still having to force himself to believe that it was her tiny cunt he was filling each time she descended as far as she could. He watched her, but he couldn't comprehend it. Touching her, running his hands up her sides and hearing her soft moans when he grasped her breasts, enjoying how they filled his palms perfectly. Even when she moaned a little louder when he rolled their straining peaks between his fingers it was barely enough to convince him.

"If I'd known turning thirty would give me this I would've done it years ago," he finally told her as she started to thrust her hips into his a little faster.

"This from the guy who wanted to turn twenty-nine again less than an hour ago?" she asked, resting her hands behind her on his thighs before picking up the pace again.

"That was before I found out what my present was," he told her before he moved to sit up, curling one arm around her waist and lowering his other hand between them to stroke her clit.

Veronica gasped, not even caring he was taking control as he thrust up into her. And when he kissed her nothing else mattered. Suddenly she had to wonder whose birthday it really was. This felt too damn good to his and yet…

Through her musing, Lamb bucked harder and stroked her faster, he was close but he wanted her right there with him.

When she kissed him back with added fervor despite her occasional gasps and little moans, her hips swinging harder into his, he knew he had her. When the string of four-letter words escaped her mouth when she finally had to break their kiss, the last one surprisingly being his name, he only held her closer as her body shuddered in his hold. In pleasure he wouldn't have believed any other way than having been buried inside of her rather than in the repulsion he would have expected even the day before. The change couldn't have been a more welcome one.

With her muscles coiling around him, her breathing still ragged, her juices drenching his dick, he wasn't far behind. Despite her body beginning to recover and her afterglow setting in, she didn't miss seeing the play of pleasure cross Lamb's face or miss hearing him groan out what sounded like her name. When he slowed his movements and began to lay down again, she let him lead her down with him.

Lazily, he kissed along her neck, jaw and finally her lips again. He was almost relieved his birthday couldn't be every day. If it was he was pretty sure too much of this would kill him. Not that he couldn't think of a better way to go, but even so.

"Still thinking this was the best birthday ever?" Veronica asked him, only smiling as she moved to lay down beside him.

"Absolutely," he nodded.

"Well I'm glad I could help," she grinned.

"So would this be a good time to start planning your birthday?" It was just over a month away, no time like the present, he decided.

She laughed. "How about we wait to find out if my dad will be in town or not before we start planning which bed to spend my birthday in?"

"It's not an 'I'll taser you if you come near me,' I'll take it," he agreed. "So when did you decide this? That you'd do all of this? The cake and park, namely?"

"Maybe I just wanted to forget February and replace the memory with something better," she told him, hoping he would let her leave it at that.

He kissed her again at that, he only wished he would be able to replace the memories with this one himself. Either way, Veronica hadn't gotten up and bolted, hadn't had one of her boys come in threatening his life or her father threatening his life or body parts. He had survived his thirtieth birthday and he hadn't been alone. Not only had Veronica been there, but she was still there. And from the look of her head pillowed by his chest and her arm draped over his stomach, she was content to stay right there. He would be lying if he said he minded. Instead he drew the sheet up over them and curled an arm around her before he succumbed to the sleep his body was demanding.

Veronica knew Lamb hadn't expected her to want to stay, but she decided she would let him find out for himself this was his true present. The makeshift Slip 'n' Slide in the park had been fun, the sex had been even better, but being able to prove to him that she still wanted him in the morning light would likely top both.

The End


End file.
